HELP me with my personal statement PLEASE! I've only just started, it's a brief draft, need help asap! thanks?

Here it is... YES I know its crap.. that's whyy I need help thanks!

(I don't have a good intro, any ideas would be good thanks!)

'I got a B in my GCSE for english literature; I have felt very proud of myself as I worked my hardest to achieve this goal. I'm currently studying english literature for A2, and have done it for my AS Level.



In the summer 2010, I used my initiative find work experience for two week in central London to work with the music and media industry called 'In4merz'. I looked long and hard for something and proud that I passed the interview.

I believe my diligent approach to work helped me a lot as I have greater understand of the industry and how journalism works. I have also applied to do an intership for fashion, music and media for next year, 2011, for a few week in Easter.



Okay.. that's it so far.. I've lost some work that I've done yesterday.. O well, I just need ideas....

please



Top points for good answers!!! Thanks!!!HELP me with my personal statement PLEASE! I've only just started, it's a brief draft, need help asap! thanks?
studying English Literature at A level has allowed me to improve my analysis skills and has allowed me to grow ever more confident in writing essays, a skill which i feel will be invaluable at University.



during the summer i took it upon my self to gain an insight into the industies. i was able to get a placemnt at a music and media industry which has shown me (skills u learnt what else u leartn)



i have also applied for an internship for music media and fashion for the forthcoming easter holidaysd hers i hope to learn.......



dnt include ure gcse they no u gt a B and probabaly is a waste of space

where u said passed the interview tht sentence u can get rid of



include

intro u hav to do this it is the hardest bit focus on this last ( why u chose the sourse why u like it)

then paragraphs

one on your alevels not to long just quickly wat they have taught u

work experience what is has taught u etc

other things u may have done related to ure course books etc

one on extra curricular activites thths all ure sports music clubs and what they have taught u and relate it bacl eg being part of my loacl rugby club has allowed me to develop teamwork skills etc

quick summary conclusion



thts a general guide but u need to work a lot on it, ure leaving it a little late by the way,

write a first draft this weekend try and correct it as much as u can and give it to ure teacher

and redo until its goodHELP me with my personal statement PLEASE! I've only just started, it's a brief draft, need help asap! thanks?
Your grammar sounds like you are a call centre agent from India and speak English really badly! Have a friend proof read it as there are loads of mistakes in it. "I have a greater understand of the industry". Should be understanding.



Your personal statement should start out with who you are, your intersts, what you are doing at the moment. Are you a student at uni or school, why are you applying for this.